I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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