True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
