Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
