im drinking this country out of the recession.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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