Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
