and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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