The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
