so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ladies don't puke and tell
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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