Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
