The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
