Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
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you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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