Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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