i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
