My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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