I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
