Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
