sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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