I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
