This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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