Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
