I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize