Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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