Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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