It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
