i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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