The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
