I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
