I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize