If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
