Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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