I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
