so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
