she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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