did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
