Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm always down for nudity.
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