Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
