it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
