There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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