oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
