i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
