Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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