Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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