when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
