i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
