I faked an abortion last night.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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