And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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