she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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