I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
