Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
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Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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