that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
