Will you blow on my dice?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
