Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
