I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
