Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
