I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This is my gift to your gina
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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