I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
