he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
