I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
