I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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