guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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