If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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