White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize