grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
